Well, it was a normal day until they showed up
by ILoveShiny
Summary: It is a normal day at the Cullen house until the All-American Rejects and their pet gnu, Mr. Gnu show up.
1. Meet Mr Gnu

_**It was a normal day at the Cullen house, Carlisle and Esme had gone hunting, the supposedly graceful Bella ran into a pole, Mike Newton the Ghetto Boy was doing some kind of stupid rap on the front lawn.**_

Mike Newton: Yo yo yo... uh... oh yeah! I'm walkin' the gangsta walk, I'm talkin' the gangsta talk... Oh Bummies. This whole gangsta thing is harder than it looks. Gangsta yeah, Gangstas are awesome (hmm... what's a world that rhymes with awesome?) and you are.. not awesome! Yo.....

Renesmee: Mummy... what's that strange man doing on our lawn? Is he trying to rap?

Bella: MIKE! GHETTO BOY! What are you doing on my front lawn! Do NOT step on Esme's daisies! And don't even THINK about touching that statue thingy...

_**Suddenly, five shadows appear out of the woods, followed by a group of screaming fangirls.**_

Bella: AAHHH!!! It's James and Victoria and Laurent! And a vampire gnu! And a group of screaming fangirls...

Edward (shouting): I LOVE YOU, FANGIRLS! (And fanboys…)

Edward: Bella, love, you hit your head. You're probably confused. James, Victoria and Laurent are already dead.

Emmett: Oh Em Gee, it's the ALL-AMERICAN REJECTS! (And a gnu...)

Rosalie: Who?

Emmett: The ALL-AMERICAN REJECTS!!!

Bella: Whoa! I'm finally meeting that dude who plays whatzisname in High School Musical! What's his name again...? Oh, yeah! Zacky or something! Gosh he's dreamy…

Emmett: Uh… Bella? The All-American rejects are a rock band.

Bella: Oh. I knew that.

Emmett: Hi Tyson! Hi Nick! Hi Mike! Hi Chris! Hi… um… Mr. Gnu?

Mr. Gnu: *Makes whatever sound a gnu makes*

Tyson: Hi. Meet Mr. Gnu. Mr. Gnu, Emmett; Emmett, Mr. Gnu.

Emmett: OHEMGEE! YOU KNOW MY NAME!

Tyson: Yeah. Of course I know. I'm a stalker…

Nick: I'm a stalker too…

Mike: I'm a stalker too…

Chris: I'm a stalker too…

Mr. Gnu: *Makes whatever sound a gnu makes which translates into "I'm a stalker too…"*

Emmett: Hey, can I please, please, please, please, please, pretty please join your band? Please?

Mike: Sure! Oh yeah, guess what, guys?

Edward: What?

Mike: We're moving in next door!

Alice: Hi! What are we talking about?

Edward: The All-American Rejects are moving in next door.

Alice: But... there's no next door!

Nick: …

Bella: You better not touch those daisies! *does evil death glare*


	2. Please speak slowly,My heart is learning

_**The next day, a strange stripy house shows up on the Cullen's lawn, along with a matching lawnmower. **_

Bella rings the doorbell.

Chris: Uh... hi? Oh! You're our new next-door neighbour! Hey...

Bella: Your house! It's squishing ESME'S DAISIES!

Chris: Oh. Sorry. We'll plant new daisies for her. So… hi?

_**Everyone comes in the house.**_

Emmett: So... can I join the band?

Nick: Ok, sure. What instrument do you wanna play?

Emmett: Well, I've always wanted to play the kazoo... and the cowbell...

Nick: Hey, can anyone hear something coming from the bathroom? And where's Tyson?

Random voice from bathroom: _Please speak slowly, my heart is learning, teach me heartache, something's burning... _

Nick: Ty...son... is... that... you...? Did... your... girl...friend... dump... you... ag...ain...? Is... it... your... heart... burn...ing...?

Random voice from bathroom: Yes, it's me, you idiot. You don't need to speak slowly, it's just... [mutters something quietly about idiots] you know, our song? Too Far Gone? And the only thing burning is hot water from the shower! Now leave me alone!

_**Tyson comes out of the shower, while the band is playing.**_

Renesmee: Daddy, are you wearing the same jacket as Tyson?*

Edward: Well... umm... well, he's so cool! He is! And he's an awesome role model too! I'm only 17! And he's 25! See, I look up to him!

Bella: Er... you're like, 108.

Edward: But I am biologically physically 17!

Emmett: SHUTUP AND LISTEN!

Alice: Er... everyone knows that Carlisle and Esme are coming back on Monday next week, right?

Jasper: No.

Alice: Jasper where have you been?


	3. Gives Edward Hell

_**While Bella is freaking out about Esme's daisies, everyone comes over to the Cullen house. **_

Tyson: So... Edward... Hey, we do have the same coat!

Edward: Uhh... yeah. But I look so much awesomer with the coat coz... coz... coz...

Bella: You already look the best, Eddy Weddies!

Edward: Coz... coz... coz...

Emmett: OK! Enough! Just say it!

Edward: Coz I sparkle!

Tyson: [Tips jar of glitter onto his head] So, who's sparkly?

Edward: This means war...

Emmett: Oh My Gnu. That is SO old.

Tyson: _When you see my face, hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell..._

Edward:_ When you walk my way, hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell..._

Tyson: Hey! That's MY song! Mine! ALL MINE!!!

Nick: Dude, I co-wrote that song.

Tyson: Fine, it's not Edward's though.

Edward: I'll just compose my own song._ Lalalalala... Tyson, oh Tyson, he is my neighbour, my neighbour, my neighbour..._

Alice: Uh... Edward? I'm sorry, but even Mike Newton can sing better than you.

Mike Newton: Yo, Edward, homie, it's true.

Tyson: Where the **** did you come from??Whatever. I'm going to give you hell.

Edward: And Hell you will be given, Tyson.

Tyson: _I wake up every evening, with a big smile on my face, and it never feels out of place _

Edward: I can't wake up. Sigh... I wish I could.

Tyson: _And you're still probably working, at a 9 to 5 pace, I wonder how bad that tastes _(coz I don't know)

Edward: I don't work. I'm unemployed.

Tyson: Will you please freakin' stop commenting on what I say?


	4. One dollar, kilogram

**Thud. Jacob fell out his crappy little bed, in his crappy little house, with his crappy tv, and his half-bag of crappy Doritos which Paul had stolen half the crappy chips. Suddenly he heard voices outside his window.**

Ow!!! What the hell Mike? Why did you...

**Jacob found the most beautiful face peering in his window, so much more beautiful than boring, old, not-even-beautiful Edward Cullen. No, not Tyson. No, not Nick. No, not Mike. No, not Chris. Not even Mr. Gnu.**

Jacob: Why, hello...

Beautiful Face: ...

**Suddenly, The All-American Rejects appeared in his window. **

Nick: MY. CHIQUITA.

Chiquita: ...

Jacob: So, Chiquita, that's a pretty name... You free tomorrow night, baby?

Nick: What? How the heck could a HUMAN fall in love with a DOG?

Tyson: Hey Jacob. What were we here for, anyway? Oh yeah... actually... I forgot. Nick, gimme a lift. I wanna see too.

Nick: … but you're taller than me!

Tyson: Fine. I just want to be in your arms!

Nick: Ok, ok. Just for you.

Tyson: I remember now! Would you like to buy these bananas? One dollar, kilogram.

Jacob: What? So you came here just to sell me BANANAS? Whoa... I think I've un-imprinted...

Nick: And imprinted on MY PUPPY??? How old are you anyway?

Jacob: 16. And you know, I'm a puppy too. How old is Chiquita?

Nick: [Sighs] 14. It's not like she's really gonna go out with you...

Jacob: Quita, will you go out with me?

Chiquita: ...

Chris: Well, if she's 14, doesn't that make her... hmm... 14 x 7... 98 or something?

Jacob: Well, I'm a dog too!!! That makes me 112!

Tyson: Whatever. Let's just get back home. We'll find someone who'll actually buy our bananas.

Chiquita: ...

This chapter in Memory of Chiquita Wheeler, 1994-2010


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